The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you didnt know i had herpes?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
did you just send me my own nude
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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