i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I don't deserve a penis
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
