thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
