i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
