she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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