we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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