Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
