Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
