just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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