There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
