this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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