I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
