He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
