He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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