it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
