Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize