Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
