accomplished twins. life is a go
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
