So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
