The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
