She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
