Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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