I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
