And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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