and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
