My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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