At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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