it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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