I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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