What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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