just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
