That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize