Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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