yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
