I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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