also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
