Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
