I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
