I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
