We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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