i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
