You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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