Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
