The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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