Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
