margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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