I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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