You smell like stripper and shame
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
