I'm going to jail i love you
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Randomize