did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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