i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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