I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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