then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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