Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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