Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
