I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
