oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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