Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
