I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize