There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
