New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
