I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
