I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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