remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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