Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
