Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
