There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
