I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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