My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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