"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
