just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
