I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
