so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
