I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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