oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
