so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
