Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
time to smoke my breakfast
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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