I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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