Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
