Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
