if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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