she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Randomize
