fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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