yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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