I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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