And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
