i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
