Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize