Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
