apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
