I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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