I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
