Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
