3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize