At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
