It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize
