Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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