To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
