Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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