be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
