my soul wont recognize me after tonight
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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