think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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