I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
