If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
