Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
