Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
