is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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