Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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