note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
