Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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