He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
